


walking by his side

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, 5 plus one, Almost Kiss, Cuddling, First Kiss, Hugs, M/M, Nightmares, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: five times steve and bucky almost kiss, and the one time they actually do





	1. you knock me out, i fall apart

Upon getting Bucky back, upon being reunited with his oldest, closest friend, Steve becomes far more human than he ever was before. 

He goes from Captain America, the obedient soldier who will do anything asked of him, to Steve Rogers, the human with the fierce opinions and the equally fierce protection and love of James Buchanan Barnes.

At first they don't trust Bucky ─ and rightly so. Steve can understand their wariness. He doesn't feel it himself, though. 

He could never be wary of Bucky.

All the other Avengers see is the trained, brainwashed killer who was forced to do so many terrible deeds that affected everyone, but they do not see the brainwashed part; all they see is the merciless killer who tried to kill all of them and succeeded in killing hundreds of others.

They do not see the regret Bucky displays in his most raw, most human moments. 

Steve is woken up by Bucky's nightmares, sometimes; he hears the pleas for them to stop, and it causes so much anger in Steve's heart that he feels it will burst out of him in a fiery tornado. 

And Steve's heart fills with regret.

It is not just regret, though. It is pity. It is a mixture of the two which makes Steve feel like he should have done so much more to stop Bucky from having to suffer such an awful fate as he did. 

Steve becomes used to staying awake all night looking after Bucky, and that is no surprise to him; when he was a young boy, Bucky would stay awake all night and make sure he was okay.

He thinks of this as repaying the favour.

What is a surprise is the lack of care the other Avengers show him.

They do not notice the black circles under his eyes. They do not notice the way he droops further and further down under the tiredness. They do not notice the way he is so much slower when he moves now.

But Steve is fine with that, because Bucky sleeps well enough now, and the nightmares are less frequent and Bucky wakes up screaming less and less, and as long as Bucky is happy Steve is happy.

"Steve," Bucky whispers, when he wakes up. His voice is fond, but the slight tremble to it gives away his panic that makes Steve feel nervous.

"What is it, Bucky?" Steve asks.

"I'm glad you're still alive."

A smile spreads on Steve's face. "I'm glad you're still alive too, Buck. I'd probably be dead if not for you."

There's a smile on Bucky's face when he surges forward, and suddenly he's hugging Steve, pressing himself so far forward that the cool of his metal arm slides all the way up his back.

And there is so much more to the action that just a hug that Steve cannot find it in himself to pull away.


	2. weave your hand in mine

On the rare occasions where Steve sleeps, he is haunted by nightmares. He cannot explain the sick, lurching feeling in his stomach every morning, or the way his food barely stays in his system before he is puking it up into the nearest toilet.

The Avengers are supposed to be a team who trusts each other, but the only one Steve trusts is Bucky. 

How are they a team when their leader cannot trust his team, let alone himself?

Bucky is his saving grace.

Bucky is the one he cries to, the one who he wakes up with his desperate screams for him to not be dead, as so often happens in those horrible nightmares which plague his mind so often. 

Bucky is the one who wakes him up, lips stretching loose around the familiar curl of his name as he whispers soft words of reassurance. Steve always makes sure to thank him.

"You mean so much more to me than I could hope to let you know." He says, each time it happens.

Buck just gently weaves his hand through Steve's hair and tells him to go back to sleep, says _I'll be here when you wake up, Stevie, don't worry,_ but his eyes betray his lack of belief in the words Steve believes in so desperately.

It hurts to see.

Because Steve knows Bucky like he knows his own mind, he will never find anyone as perfect or as kind as Bucky is, and it hurts that Bucky does not believe that, does not believe his oldest, closest friend.

Steve closes his eyes and pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, instead focusing only on Bucky. His hand is carding through Steve's hair. It's oddly relaxing and Steve feels a smile come to his face as his breathing evens out.

The motions stop, all of a sudden, and Steve wants to whine in protest, but all thoughts of complaint still and shutter to a stop when his Bucky presses a gentle pair of lips to his forehead and whispers an _I love you_ against Steve's skin.

He wants to open his eyes and look at Buck, wants to whisper his own gentle words in response. But that would ruin the moment, so he settles for smiling and breathing evenly and lets Bucky think that he is unaware of what just happened.


	3. i know i don't deserve you

They have a tradition each night: Bucky will pick an artist he hasn't seen from his time in cryo, and he and Steve will listen to it together. There's been some beautiful gems ─ artists like Pink Floyd, twenty one pilots and Sleeping At Last. Bucky loves the song 'Comfortably Numb' most of everything they've heard. 

It helps him sleep, Bucky says ─ Steve thinks it's just an excuse for him to listen to music.

Today they're listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, they're three songs in, and Bucky is already transfixed.

Steve can admit that he is too. 

It is a beautiful piece of work, he thinks, made up of streams of chords and notes and references and all of it settles together in a two-hour and twenty minutes long musical which Steve loves.

Bucky loves it too.

He smiles fondly at his best friend as they listen to 'that would be enough'. An odd warmth stirs in his stomach. It is the same warmth he associated with Peggy but has come to associate with Bucky.

They curl up in a tangle of blankets at the start of _Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story,_ and by the end of it they're both in tears and holding on to each other like they're each other's sun and moon and stars.

"I hope you know how important you are to me, Bucky," he whispers to the aforementioned. "You are wonderful. I would not survive without you. I know I don't deserve you."

Bucky smiles and pulls him into a warm hug. "You're such a dork. I love you too."

The warmth fluttering in his stomach changes from butterflies to roaring dragons and it spreads throughout his whole body. It is beautiful.

Steve smiles.


	4. laugh through the pain of love

It was supposed to be so simple.

They were fighting yet another battle, one small battle in a longer war, a long war that they seemed to be losing. It wasn't anything they hadn't done before. Just something simple, the Chitauri on a less massive scale, only three or four of them there, but by God were they strong. 

He shouldn't have let himself get distracted.

One of the aliens, a weird creature called a Schkyr punched him and it sent him flying. The surroundings of the city blurred around him for a few seconds, a chilly gale swirling around him as he crashed to the floor.

Steve thought one of his ribs had broken.

He laughed.

He laughed although it hurt, and when Bucky came over to him, it was all he could do.

Maybe the pain had made him delirious.

Bucky pulled him to his feet, and maybe it was just his pain-addled imagination, or maybe it was just his own fantasies, but Bucky pressed a searing kiss to his forehead. 

"Get going, Stevie," he whispered.

And Steve, still in a daze, ran back to the fight, Bucky at his side.

Later on that night, when they are binding Steve's ribs and making sure that there is no permanent damage, he asks Bucky if it was all just a dream and his mind made things up.

All he gets is a smile.

"C'mon, Steve," Bucky says. "What d'you want to listen to tonight?"

"Fall Out Boy," Steve mutters. "s'Parrently they make good music."

Bucky laughs.

"Will it stop you from running into stupid situations without thinking?" He asks.

"Maybe." Steve giggles.

Bucky curls up near him, and smiles with his closest friend.


	5. an 'i love you' spills from his lips

It's purely domestic, the fifth time they almost kiss.

Friday night. Pizza and movies. It's become a tradition in the tower, one which Steve and Bucky don't join in on ─ they prefer to watch movies together, just the two of them, tucked up together with a bowl of buttery popcorn at their sides.

But Stark's forced them down tonight, says Steve needs to interact with the team more.

Steve notes that he does not extend the invitation to Bucky, but he brings Bucky down too and curls up so far into him that it isn't funny.

They're practically joined at the hip since Steve broke his rib fighting that weird alien whose name he can barely remember ─ it's the one which punched him about two blocks through New York. It's kind of endearing.

The Avengers stiffen when Bucky enters the room. Natasha imperceptibly reaches for a gun tucked into her waist but doesn't pick it up. Bruce's breathing gets slightly faster. Clint glares.

Bucky looks... awkward. Nervous. "I'll... just go now." He whispers.

Steve tells him not to. "You're my best friend, Buck, you don't have to go. I'd trust you over anyone else. Stay."

"Okay, Steve," He sighs. "But only because you asked me to."

Tony puts on Rebel For A Cause; Steve doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's already seen it. Bucky does, but in the most subtle way possible.

"Didn't we watch this the other day, Stevie?" Bucky whispers as loudly as possible.

"Yeah," Steve replies, slightly louder. "So... what do we have left on the list?"

Bucky thinks for a second. "Um. I think there's Death Note... that's it ─ wanna go watch it?"

"Sure," Steve says fondly, resting his head on Bucky's shoulder. "Love you."

It's impulsive, really, but Steve doesn't regret the words once they've left his mouth, a change from what usually happens. 

Bucky smiles and leans further into him. "Love you too, Steve."

Stark is left gaping when they get up and leave.


	6. the most normal circumstances

When they finally kiss, it is under the most normal circumstances possible.

Steve lies back on the couch, sketchbook and pen in hand, deftly sketching out Bucky's frame as he lies back. His eyes are closed and his chest rises and falls as he breathes slowly, in, out, in, out.

To the ordinary person, drawing their best friend would seem odd. To Steve and Bucky, it is not.

"Hey, Steve," Bucky says quietly. "You done drawing yet?"

"No, sorry," Steve replies. "It'll be a few minutes ─ just gotta add a few details."

"Okay."

Bucky cracks his knuckles and stretches, back popping, then leans back in his chair and closes his eyes again. He smiles as the sound of Steve's pen scratching against his paper.

Five minutes later Steve gives a triumphant shout of, "Done!" and walks over to Bucky with a smile on his face. "What do you think?"

Bucky smiles. "It's perfect, Stevie. You're really talented, y'know."

Steve blushes slightly and hugs Bucky. "Thanks, Buck." He whispers.

And then Bucky's lips are on his, warmth is coursing through him, and Steve feels complete and utter joy.

It takes him a few seconds to respond, but then his hands are tangling in Bucky's hair and he is kissing back, and a desperate whine builds in his throat.

Eventually they have to part for breath, but they maintain contact for as long as you can.

"Oh." Bucky says quietly. "Oh."

"That was nice." Steve whispers. "Want it to happen again?"

"Hell yes," Bucky says.

**fin.**


End file.
